Oh!

‘Kara?’

‘?’

‘Are you there, my love?’

‘Can you not talk normally Kaspar? What are you, a vole or something?’

‘Oh, sorry darling. Something awful is happening darling’

‘Oh what this time Kaspar? Insufficient grey Citroens on the central reservation?’

‘No, darling ,really awful. I think Kolin is running away’

‘Well, that doesn’t surprise me, has he come to his senses and gone to follow Kjell at last?’

‘Oh’

‘Well what did you expect you idiot, he has that awful domineering Kandy who thinks that the height of class is naming her chicks after menu items in a cafe; he can’t even enter his own nest!’

‘Oh’

‘She is unbearable, he adored her for years and she just treated him like an earthworm’

‘Oh’

‘So it is hardly surprising that he disappears at the first sign of real love, is it- don’t be so bloody dense Kaspar’

‘Oh’

‘And stop saying ‘oh’ like an idiot’

‘yes darling’

‘er darling, what is that on your ankle?’

‘It is my kiddie string Kaspar, don’t be stupid’

Marshmallowings

‘Kandy my love?’

<happy sigh>
 
‘Yes, Kolin’

‘Can I come in? My marshmallowings?, Can I?’

<happy sigh>
 
‘Of course you can darling, they are <big sigh> gorgeous’

‘Oh thank you liquorice-tail, thank you’

<chilly silence>
 
‘What is that piece of string Kolin?’

‘But darling they are beautiful’

<very very chilly silence>
 
‘I said, What Is That Piece of  String, And Why Is It Attached To Your Ankle? Kolin’

“That’s my kiddie, Kandy; don’t you remember? <hurriedly> What shall we call them, fructose-feathers? ’

‘They have names Kolin, they also have a home, you do not. OUT!’

‘But my sucrosity, let me explain..’
 
‘OUT. NOW’

Somewhere..

'Kolin! Kolin! She's here!'
'..'
'Oh for god's sake Kolin, get up, she's here!!!'
'mm?'
'Over there, the dark grey one!'
'Oh ah, yes I see, Kaspar'
<sighs> 'Kolin, the plan? surely you remember the plan?'
'Yes, Kaspar, I remember the plan, it's just that..'
'Oh shut up Kolin, she'll be over the hill soon- let's go!!!'

<sounds of feathers against the breeze, and another, as yet unidentifiable sound>

'Ok Kolin, one, two SWOOP, and TWIST and - a little lower, she can't see you there'
'But Kaspar..'
'Kolin will you just SWOOP?!?'
'I keep trying to tell you Kaspar, my string is..'
'YOUR WHAT?'
'er.. my string is caught on the traffic camera'
'your string is caught on the traffic camera...'
'er yes, it got hooked there when I was trying to get the kiddie off the ground at the weekend'
'When you were WHAT?'
'Well I had to get a bit of a flap-up to it, to get some momentum, it is quite a large child, and it got stuck under the camera, and the string got tangled'
'You had to..oh god..'
'I'm sure she'll come  back later Kaspar, we can always have another go, once we have untangled the string'
'Kaspar?'