Sunday, 13 November 2011

Kara deals with the chicks

<Kara lands in front of the chicks, she is weighed down with items>

'Right, Famous Olympic Breakfast, this is yours. Learn how to read it today. I will expect you to read it to me tomorrow.'

<She hands the nearest chick a large book- the chick passes it to the chick behind and cheeps at Kara>

'Ok, Sundae Breakfast then, you can have this map. Learn the symbols and what they mean. I will expect you to be able to plan a route for me tomorrow.'

<She hands the chick a GB Road Atlas - the chick passes it to the chick to its left and cheeps again at Kara>

'Ok, ok so you are Omelette Breakfast then?'

'Cheep'

'Then you get the phone. Learn how it works, I want you to be using the internet on it tomorrow.'

'Cheep-cheep'

'No, not using your mother's credit card, she shouldn't have a credit card.'

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Friday, 11 November 2011

Still at home with Kara

<the sound of cheeping, sniffling, and the occasional muffled sob>

tack, tack, tack, tack TACK

<Kara is losing the very small amount of patience that she is endowed with>

'Enough!'

With a swoop she vanishes to the other end of the nest. Kandy looks up in horror.

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Friday, 28 October 2011

And missed again

A small dirty, dark grey Citroen passes down the M40. Nothing happens

Kurt watches it pass, mournfully

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At home with Kara

'Kandy, just leave them. If you respond to every single cheep they will never acheive anything in life. You are nurturing birds of prey, not mice.'

'But they sound so lonely, Kara'

'There are three of them Kandy, they can't be lonely'

'But without their mummy..?'

'Just let them cheep, they will shut up eventually.'

But they may become insecure and damaged and turn into hooligans?

'And if you go to them, they will become insecure and manipulative and turn into hooligans. Just shut up and sit down Kandy!'

<The sound of sniffling mixes with the distant sound of cheeping.>

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Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Khlaudia

Potassia, darling, can you find Aunty Khandy for me?

ναι, μάνα,

Sometimes, I don't understand you dharling, just do what Mummy says

εντάξει

Did you find her dharling?

πέταξε μακριά

But the Kchicks?

πέταξαν μέσα κουβέρτα

Oh

άνδρας αρπακτικό πουλί ερχομός

Is khe? Oh khow lovely dharling, let's sit and wait for Mr Khevin then. Where is Khlimt?

παίξιμο συναλλαγή

Are you sure?

ναι, μάνα,

Dho you promise me dharling?

ναι, μάνα,


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Sunday, 16 October 2011

At home with Kara

Tack tack tack

'You can't stay'

'But Kara, Klaudia is unbearable, she expects me to wait on her! I am trying to feed my babies, I'm an abandoned mother!'

Tack

'Kara, I know how you feel..'

Tack

'Please, just for a night?'

Sigh.

Friday, 14 October 2011

At home with Khlaudia and Kandy

A warm and very cosy nest.

'Khan you pass me another tissue, dharling?'

'No I bloody can't Klaudia, I'm trying to feed my chicks'

'Kchicks!! Oo Oo Oo I remember when little Klimt and Potassia khad a brother..Oo Oo my life is over'

'Ok, ok here you are, have the bloody box, when is that Kevin visiting?'

'Oh dharling, I dhon't know, khe did say khe would be khere at 2 but khe may khave been khidnapped or khnocked out of the sky or...Oo oo oo'

'I tell you what, I'll just go and see if I can see him shall I?'

Kandy disappears with a large flannel blanket. The sound of muffled cheeps and then much-laboured wing beats is heard above the continual sobbing and wailing.