ChEEEEp

'ChEEEEp'
'What is that little Ommy Brek?'
'ChEEEp M4'
'Really? When will that be then?, sorry Ommy B'
'Cheeep'
'Oh, 24 days ago. Twenty Four. Thanks'

Cheep and send

Kaspar and Omelette Breakfast ™ are perched on a bridge facing the oncoming traffic.

'Cheep'

'It is quite hard to hold it and press the button at the same time, little Breakfast'

'Cheep'

'The white bit on the front with the black scratches?'

'Cheep'

'Is that right?'

'Cheep-cheep, SEND button'

'Ok, little Breakfast'

<silence>

'What does that mean, little Breakfast?'

'Cheep MAP BUTTON, CHEEP'

<silence>

'Oh, look at that. My. Not heading this way sadly, but look it is on the motorway. This is marvellous little Breakfast!'

'Cheep'

Cheep phone

A chick comes in and drops a mobile phone in front of Kaspar.

'Hello little Breakfast, what is that shiny thing?'

'Cheep phone'

'And what is it for?'

'Cheep car, cheep ANPR Uncle Kaspar'

'Really?'

'Cheep tracking app cheep'

'My that is interesting, little Breakfast'

'Little grey car, cheep'

'No, little Breakfast, that sounds like something Kafka would do, not a tiny box like that'

'CHEEP'

'Ok, ok; we'll try it if you like'

'Cheep'

Cars, cheep

A chick wanders in with a mobile phone and drops it in from of Kara.

'Cheep'

'A phone?'

"Cheep, cheep'

'for Kaspar, why on earth would you want to give Kaspar a phone?'

"Cars, cheep'

'Oh, don't encourage him, Ommy B, he is obsessed enough as it is'

'Cheep cheep'

'Ok, if you think you can explain it to him'

'Cheep'

Aunty Kara?

'Aunty Kara?'
<tack tack tack>
'Aunt Kara?'
<tack, tack tack>
'er, Kara?'
'Yes, Omelette Breakfast?'
<tick tick tick>
'Oh for heaven's sake, yes Ommy B?'
<the chick pushes a cardboard package towards Kara'
'Well, what do you want me to do with it child?'
<on examination it appears that the package has been impossible to open for a small chick, Kara pries it apart with her beak>
'Thank you Au... Kara'
'Wait one moment child, what is that shiny thing?'
'Er nothing?'
'It is a very smooth and shiny nothing child'
'Er it might be an iPad Kara?'

Kara deals with the chicks

<Kara lands in front of the chicks, she is weighed down with items>

'Right, Famous Olympic Breakfast, this is yours. Learn how to read it today. I will expect you to read it to me tomorrow.'

<She hands the nearest chick a large book- the chick passes it to the chick behind and cheeps at Kara>

'Ok, Sundae Breakfast then, you can have this map. Learn the symbols and what they mean. I will expect you to be able to plan a route for me tomorrow.'

<She hands the chick a GB Road Atlas - the chick passes it to the chick to its left and cheeps again at Kara>

'Ok, ok so you are Omelette Breakfast then?'

'Cheep'

'Then you get the phone. Learn how it works, I want you to be using the internet on it tomorrow.'

'Cheep-cheep'

'No, not using your mother's credit card, she shouldn't have a credit card.'

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Still at home with Kara

<the sound of cheeping, sniffling, and the occasional muffled sob>

tack, tack, tack, tack TACK

<Kara is losing the very small amount of patience that she is endowed with>

'Enough!'

With a swoop she vanishes to the other end of the nest. Kandy looks up in horror.

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At home with Kara

'Kandy, just leave them. If you respond to every single cheep they will never acheive anything in life. You are nurturing birds of prey, not mice.'

'But they sound so lonely, Kara'

'There are three of them Kandy, they can't be lonely'

'But without their mummy..?'

'Just let them cheep, they will shut up eventually.'

But they may become insecure and damaged and turn into hooligans?

'And if you go to them, they will become insecure and manipulative and turn into hooligans. Just shut up and sit down Kandy!'

<The sound of sniffling mixes with the distant sound of cheeping.>

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At home with Kara

Tack tack tack

'You can't stay'

'But Kara, Klaudia is unbearable, she expects me to wait on her! I am trying to feed my babies, I'm an abandoned mother!'

Tack

'Kara, I know how you feel..'

Tack

'Please, just for a night?'

Sigh.

At home with Khlaudia and Kandy

A warm and very cosy nest.

'Khan you pass me another tissue, dharling?'

'No I bloody can't Klaudia, I'm trying to feed my chicks'

'Kchicks!! Oo Oo Oo I remember when little Klimt and Potassia khad a brother..Oo Oo my life is over'

'Ok, ok here you are, have the bloody box, when is that Kevin visiting?'

'Oh dharling, I dhon't know, khe did say khe would be khere at 2 but khe may khave been khidnapped or khnocked out of the sky or...Oo oo oo'

'I tell you what, I'll just go and see if I can see him shall I?'

Kandy disappears with a large flannel blanket. The sound of muffled cheeps and then much-laboured wing beats is heard above the continual sobbing and wailing.

Kitelings

‘Khan I come in dharling?’

‘Khlaudia?’

‘Yes, dharling it is me, how did you guess?; I have some mice for you and the little ones’

‘Oh Khlaudia, that is very thoughtful, they are almost chewing my feathers off, do come in’

‘Ooooooooh DHARLING, they are beautiful- you must be soooooo proud, and so relieved.’

‘Relieved?’

‘None of them look like Kholin, dharling, it could have been so awful...’
‘Well, there was..’

‘What are their names dharling? I chan khelp you choose!’

‘Ah, no Khlaudia, they already have names- I picked them out days ago’

‘OOh dho tell dharling, dho tell!!

‘ Well. the little one at the back, he is Sundae Breakfast™, the pretty girl on the left is Omelette Breakfast™, and the big boy at the front is Famous Olympic Breakfast™; aren’t they just perfect?’

‘Very, er innovative dharling, where dhid you get the inspiration for such unusual names?’

‘ Oh I just saw them written down with some pretty pictures somewhere, they were just what I wanted, something different. you know?’

‘ Yes, dharling, they are just that- have you told Kholin?’

‘ No, he still has that stupid toy of his- you know the one I mean?’

‘ I do dharling, I do’

‘ There is no way he is coming near my little darlings with that stinking thing attached to him, they could catch something!’